Four Things Every Marriage Needs

Wedding rings

“I’m Sorry the Dishwasher Incident Turned Into a Cold War”: Four Things Every Marriage Needs (and a Few Things It Doesn’t)

By Zach Herrin

Let’s be honest—marriage is beautiful, mysterious, and sometimes... hilariously confusing. One moment you’re making googly eyes over tacos, and the next, you’re locked in a silent standoff about the proper way to load the dishwasher. Marriage isn’t built on perfection. It’s built on grace, communication, and knowing when to say, “Yep, that one’s on me.”

One of the most important things you can bring to your marriage is ownership. You’d be amazed how many arguments could end with the simple words, “That was me. I overreacted.” Taking ownership doesn’t mean you’re always the one in the wrong. It just shows you’re mature enough to stop the blame game. Instead of launching into, “Well, if you hadn’t brought up my mother…,” you try something like, “Okay, I got defensive, and I can see how that landed wrong.” No marriage is perfect—you’ll both mess up plenty—but couples who take ownership grow stronger and argue fairer (with fewer nights spent on the couch).

Empathy is another key ingredient. It’s not about nodding along while mentally preparing your rebuttal. It’s about stepping into your partner’s emotional shoes and asking, “What’s going on under the surface?” Sometimes that argument about the towel on the floor isn’t really about the towel—it’s about feeling exhausted or unseen. Real empathy sounds like, “I get why that hurt,” instead of, “You’re overreacting again.” It turns conflict into a bridge instead of a battlefield.

And then there’s validation. You don’t have to fully agree with your partner’s point of view, especially when it feels like their logic came from another planet. But you can still say, “I can see this was really frustrating for you,” even when you’re thinking, “We’re fighting over a grocery list.” Validation is powerful. It tells your partner that their emotions matter. When people feel heard and validated, they tend to be less defensive—funny how that works.

Of course, connection is what keeps a marriage alive. And no, connection doesn’t always mean big romantic gestures. It’s built in small, everyday moments: eye contact, shared laughter, a hug after a hard day, a walk around the block, or watching a show together without scrolling TikTok at the same time. It’s asking, “How’s your heart?” not just, “What’s for dinner?” Marriages don’t fall apart in a single day. They drift when connection stops being a priority.

Now, let’s be clear about what marriage doesn’t need: a winner, a perfect scorecard, mind-reading (seriously, just ask), or a partner who agrees with you about every little thing—whether it’s about the in-laws, the thermostat, or where leftovers belong.

Marriage is like a long road trip. You’ll miss some exits, take wrong turns, and absolutely argue about the playlist. But with ownership, empathy, validation, and connection, the ride gets a lot smoother—and more fun.

And if your marriage could use a little tune-up—or just a space where you can say things out loud without sarcasm—we’re here to help. At Solace Counseling, we believe that even the best love stories benefit from good navigation.

#MarriageMatters #HealthyRelationships #CouplesCounseling #HumorInHealing #EmpathyOwnershipValidationConnection