What is Grief?
There are many human experiences that cause us to grieve. Grief is a natural response to loss, death, separation or change. Grief can include feelings of sadness, despair, loneliness, guilt, remorse, distress, confusion and anxiety. Grief is a non-linear process during which we may experience the five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Over time, this process can help us come to terms with, cope, or live with loss.
In a lifetime, there will be many experiences that cause grief and loss. A broad definition of grief encompasses that myriad of losses. Those losses could include loss of identity, security, meaning or purpose. Loss can also be felt when we move or relocate, lose a title, lose a pregnancy, a community, autonomy, health, finances, or when we face infertility, or a diagnosis. Typically the first thing that comes to mind when we think of grief, is the loss of a loved one. Here is a look at three less common forms of grief.
1. Disenfranchised Grief
Disenfranchised grief occurs when a loss is not recognized or validated in society, perhaps due to stigma. When we feel like our loss is discounted, or we do not have the “right” to grieve something or someone, we may be experiencing disenfranchised grief. Examples include loss of a pet, loss of a friend or former spouse, abortion, divorce, loss of a personality from dementia, loss of a home, a career, loss of a choice, or loss of freedom. Often, there is a lack of societal support for disenfranchised grievers. Professional counselors can provide a non-judgmental, therapeutic space to process and validate these hidden losses.
2. Anticipatory Grief
When we know a loss is coming, we can experience anticipatory grief. Some examples of anticipatory grief are a terminal illness diagnosis, a friend announcing they will move away, or a spouse asking for a divorce. Anticipatory grief, also known as preparatory grief, is grief that happens before a loss. Sometimes preparatory grief can help us prepare for the loss. On the other hand, impending loss could make it hard for us to enjoy the here and now.
Processing anticipatory grief may help put you in a more peaceful state of acceptance when the loss actually happens.
3. Prolonged Grief Disorder
For some, grief persists with a long-lasting severity that becomes debilitating and interferes with resuming daily life. This complicated form of grief does not decrease over time. Distressing grief that persists for more than 12 months can be an indicator of Prolonged Grief Disorder.
Symptoms of prolonged grief disorder (APA, 2022) include:
Identity disruption (such as feeling as though part of oneself has died).
Marked sense of disbelief about the death.
Avoidance of reminders that the person is dead.
Intense emotional pain (such as anger, bitterness, sorrow).
Difficulty with reintegration (engaging with friends, or pursuing interests, planning for the future).
Emotional numbness (absence or reduction of emotional experience).
Feeling that life is meaningless.
Intense loneliness (feeling alone or detached from other).
Conclusion
While everyone will experience grief at some point, we will all experience it differently. If you are familiar with the pain of grief, you are not alone. Grief is not a single event, but a process, and there is no right or wrong way to do it. Learning to cope with any type of grief is a journey, one that does not have to be walked alone.
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