Feeling Lonely? Discover Ways to Better Understand and Manage Loneliness

Loneliness is an emotion we have probably all felt at one time or another. It can be

described as an internal pain, yearning or ache that tends to occur when we feel like

closeness with others is lacking. What can be confusing is loneliness can happen in a

room full of people. Even while talking, texting, commenting and all the many other

ways people are communicating, we can still feel like we are missing out on something.

While loneliness can be due to being physically alone it is not dependent on this factor.

Loneliness tends to be more about our perception of others, ourselves and the world

around us. We might feel sad because our friend group has gradually gotten smaller

over the years; hurt because we were not invited to the event; devasted because we

barely have real conversations with our spouse; or grieving because we lost someone

we cared about – maybe due to death or a breakup. There are endless ways that one

can feel alone in this world.

This experience of loneliness is a universal one. No one is immune to this unpleasant

feeling, although our experiences might be different than someone else’s. The important

detail is to know that you are not alone. Since this is an emotion we all have the capacity to experience, let’s look at some ways that can help us better understand or manage our loneliness.

1. Loneliness is Not Necessarily “Bad” – The experience can be uncomfortable

and even painful, but like other emotions, it is meant to be a signal to give you a

better understanding of your yourself, and in this case, what might feel lacking in

your life.

2. Feel It, Don’t Fight It – Emotions are meant to be felt, even unpleasant ones. It’s

only natural to want to escape the lonely feeling; however, it tends to find us

either way. Sometimes resistance can lead to a more painful process over time.

Try thinking of emotions like a wave – it’s meant to rise, peak, and fall. Consider

“riding the wave” of loneliness rather than fighting against it. Loneliness may not

fall at the speed you would hope but resisting it won’t speed up the process.

3. Practice Gentleness – Often times we believe there is something wrong with us

when we feel lonely. This could lead to negative thinking and negative self-talk

resulting in lower confidence, less hope and less likeliness to create opportunities

for connection. Try thinking about what you may need in that moment rather than

blaming yourself.

4. Create Healthy Paths Toward Connection – If you have noticed loneliness

leading to isolation, try thinking of ways you can increase healthy interactions

with others. This might be asking a friend to lunch, joining a book club, starting a

new work out class or beginning conversations with work colleagues. Humans

are meant for connection - sometimes we have to go out and seek it.

5. Consider Talking to a Professional – Sometimes our experiences, including

loneliness, can be longer lasting, more intense and frequent than we would like.

A counselor may be able to walk alongside you through this process while

providing care that is particular to you and your experiences.