We’re All Wanting the Same Things (Even If We Pretend We Don’t)

Let’s be honest: humans are complicated. We invent rocket ships, argue about the best way to do petty things, and feel deeply offended when someone doesn’t use their blinker. But underneath all the quirks, drama, and endless coffee orders, we’re wanting the same basic things: safety, connection, love, and appreciation. Whether you’re a guy, girl, teen, or that uncle who insists emotions are “just for Hallmark movies”, you’ve got these needs baked right in.

Safety comes first. Before we can tackle life’s big questions, our brains are busy making sure a saber-toothed tiger isn’t lurking nearby (or, more realistically, that our boss isn’t about to schedule a surprise Zoom call). According to Maslow’s famous hierarchy, safety is foundational; right after oxygen, water, and that first cup of morning coffee. If we don’t feel secure physically or emotionally, everything else feels wobbly. This is true in every interaction with other people in our lives.

Then comes connection. We like to think we’re independent, but the truth is, we’re glorified herd animals. Decades of research tell us humans are hardwired to belong. That’s why we check our phones obsessively for texts, laugh too loudly at our friends’ bad jokes, and join fantasy football leagues even if we don’t know half the players. Deep down, we crave that sense of “I belong here.”

Next up: love and appreciation. These are like the extra horsepower under the hood, life runs fine without them, but with them, everything just performs better. Technically not essential for survival, but once you have them, life runs better. Being seen, valued, and cherished gives our lives richness. It’s why we light up when someone says, “I’m proud of you,” or when grandma remembers our favorite dessert. Appreciation tells us we matter.

And here’s the kicker, these needs don’t vanish just because we age, get degrees, or learn how to do taxes. They stay with us. The way we pursue them might change, less playground tag, more awkward small talk at dinner parties, but the longing is the same.

When these needs aren’t met, we feel it. We get anxious. Lonely. Or maybe a little prickly. But when they are met? We flourish. We connect more deeply, love more freely, and even handle traffic a little better.

Therapy, at its core, isn’t about “fixing” you. It’s about helping you reclaim the same things we're all wanting.The safety, connection, love, and appreciation that might have gotten lost along the way. Because no matter who you are, those needs are part of your design.

So yes, humans are complex. But in the end, we’re all just looking for a safe place to land, a few people who get us, and maybe someone to notice when we finally folded the laundry.